Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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