Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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