I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize