You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
