If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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