We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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