i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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