she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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