She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
