there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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