she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
