why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
