I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
