Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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