He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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