I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
