after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
