I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
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