I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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