i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
