you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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