tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
