were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
