First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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