I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
