There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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