How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
