The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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