I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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