Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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