Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
