At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
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apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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