I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
