my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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