went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
