he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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