wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
