My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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