i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
