She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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