Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
