Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
