Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
