I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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