john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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