Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
