sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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