At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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