dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
