I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
