Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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