goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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