She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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