She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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