dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
