Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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