I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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