Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
