ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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