do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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