I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
