ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
