I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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