So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
