i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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