I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
