I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
