she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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