i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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