yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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