she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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