I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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