She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
