Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
