i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize