my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
