Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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