Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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