You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pants are for mortals
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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