Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
