Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize