YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
