Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
