his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
