Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
