How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
