1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
